Boost your body confidence when dating
If you’re on the dating scene right now, this post is for you.
Back when I was dating, I thought I had to change my body to be desirable to my dates.
But thinking this way made me feel worse about my body (and myself), and certainly didn’t result in any successful relationships!
I had totally missed the point about dating and relationships.
For a relationship to be successful, you have to be YOU – and that includes your body and appearance.
When you don’t show up as your authentic self, you set yourself up for failure.
In this post, I’m sharing three things that I learned from dating that will help to boost not only your body confidence, but your dating confidence.
Watch or read below:
You don’t have to change your body to go dating
If you’re currently dating or thinking about getting back on the dating scene, it can be tempting to think your body needs to undergo a transformation before you will be acceptable to prospective dates.
This is particularly true if you felt rejected or hurt by your last relationship.
It’s not uncommon to attribute a relationship break-up to not being physically desirable enough to your partner.
BUT thinking that you need to change your body only worsens the way that you feel about it. This is because it reinforces the belief that your body isn’t acceptable. Believing this will only dent your confidence when you’re dating.
Trying to change doesn’t work
There are so many factors that contribute to a successful partnership, and appearance in my experience isn’t the most important one.
Trying to change yourself to be ‘acceptable’ to someone else doesn’t work. If you have to fundamentally change who you are to be in a relationship, it is unlikely to succeed.
Pretending to be someone that you aren’t or constantly trying to keep up a particular appearance is not sustainable. It’s exhausting.
Putting on an act to fit what you think your date wants also means that any relationship won’t be based on who you ARE.
Authenticity is KEY
If you want to be in a relationship with someone who loves and accepts you as you are, you need to show up as your authentic self.
I’ve been in relationships where I constantly tried to mould myself to what I thought my partner wanted physically, mentally and emotionally. Not only did I end up feeling miserable and exhausted, but when the relationship ended, I didn’t know who I was!
The most rewarding and successful relationships are the ones where you can be yourself and receive love and acceptance unconditionally.
Boosting your body and dating confidence
To help boost your body confidence when dating, I’ve got three tips for you:
Know your value
Get to know and value the qualities that you bring to a relationship. This isn’t about trying to be what another person expects, but rather drawing on what already makes you unique and valuable that you can bring to a relationship.
If you’re naturally kind, caring, funny, understanding, a good listener, dependable, committed, loyal, etc. write these things down.
If you have trouble seeing yourself objectively, ask a good friend to help you identify your best qualities.
This isn’t about a list of physical qualities either – this is about WHO you are as a person. Once you’ve got your list, read it over often and especially before a date. This will help boost your confidence in WHO you are rather than worrying about your looks.
Be clear what you’re looking for in a relationship/date
This is about what qualities you most need to feel safe, loved and secure in a relationship. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what you need in a relationship? I know I certainly hadn’t until after a major break-up that left me questioning if I’d ever be in a relationship again.
Be clear about what you need to be in relationship. Write these things down and use them as your guide both when you’re searching for potential dates, and during your dates to assess whether together you are a good fit.
This question totally changed my dating experiences and helped me meet my husband!
Remember that dating is a two way thing – it’s not just about your date liking you, it’s assessing if they are a good fit for what you need too!
This is perhaps the most important but hardest thing to do. Trying to change your body, your personality, or what you need will not serve you when dating.
When you know your value, and are clear about what you are looking for in a relationship, it will give you greater confidence in showing up as your authentic self.
Avoid the urge to put dating on hold until you have lost weight, or toned up.
Go out into the dating world as you are. Being yourself really is the best strategy!
If you’re currently dating, or thinking about dating again, I’d love to hear about your experiences. How does the way you feel about your body impact on dating for you? Please leave a comment below.