How to deal with a body critical partner
Do you have a partner who is critical about your body or appearance?
If you do, I know that it’s not a nice situation to be in.
I was once constantly criticised for my appearance by an ex-partner, and it really affected my confidence and self-esteem.
BUT know that you don’t have to put up with body criticism, not even from your partner.
In this post, I’m sharing three ways to deal with a body critical partner.
Watch or read below:
Body critical partners
A body critical partner can cause a lot of hurt and anxiety that can weaken and even destroy body confidence.
Whether you’re with a partner who has been body critical for some time, or they’ve only recently become critical, know that there are steps you can take.
In a loving relationship there is no place for a constant barrage of critical comments about your appearance (or anything else for that matter!).
The shame that such comments create might make you think that your body is a ‘problem’ and that you need to ‘fix’ whatever your partner is focusing their criticism on.
BUT know this. It is never okay for a partner to be constantly critical – its emotional abuse.
What I learned from a body critical ex
If you’re living with a body critical partner, I empathise with you. I had an ex who constantly picked on various aspects of my appearance.
His constant body criticism left me feeling unattractive and worthless.
What I came to learn is that body criticism almost always says more about your partner than it does you.
To help you deal with a body critical partner, I’ve got three things that you can do:
Know that body criticism is most likely NOT about you
Body critical people judge themselves and others very harshly. It’s likely that their own body image is unhealthy, or that there is something else about themselves they aren’t happy with.
For example, my ex-partner was insecure about many aspects of his personality. Criticising me was a way to feel better about those aspects of himself he didn’t like.
Ask yourself what may be going on for your partner that is fuelling body critical behaviour? This isn’t to make an excuse for it, but rather to help you understand that it’s not all about you.
Take a stand
Call your partner out on their behaviour and explain how it makes you feel.
Calmly say something like, “When you criticise my weight, I feel hurt and unloved.”
Allow them a chance to respond or explain their behaviour to you. Sometimes just explaining the impact of their behaviour may be enough to bring about a change.
However, be prepared to follow up by asking for the change you’d like to see. You might say, for example, “From now on, I’d like you to refrain from commenting on my weight.”
Re-examine your relationship
If despite telling your partner what impact their body critical comments have on you there is no change in behaviour, it’s time to take a closer look at your relationship.
You might need to question if you feel happy, safe and fulfilled in the relationship.
A loving, healthy relationship is one where your partner accepts you as you are. If your partner is either unwilling or unable to do so, you have to ask if the partnership is still viable.
You deserve to be treated with love, respect and acceptance. If your partner cannot offer this, it might be time to move on to someone who can.
Note: If you are being subjected to put downs and criticisms that make you fear for your physical or emotional safety, please tell the appropriate authorities. Make sure you get the help that you need. It is never acceptable to be subjected to emotional or physical abuse.
I’d love to hear about your experience of living with a body critical partner – what you have done, or are planning to do to deal with their criticism. Please leave me a comment below.
My partner criticizes everything about me from the way I look,speak,and everything I do. he has no problem making fun of me in front of his buds.I am sad all the time.Help!
Hi Vicki
I’m so sorry to hear that you are feeling sad as a result of your partner’s behaviour. This is not acceptable and it says more about his own issues or insecurities than it does about you. It sounds like he is using critical comments about you to feel better in himself.
I have a couple of questions for you:
Firstly, do you feel safe in this relationship? In other words, has he ever physically harmed you? Even if he hasn’t, his behaviour towards you is emotionally abusive.
Secondly, what are you getting out of the relationship? It’s hard to see what benefits there are to you of being with this man, although I don’t know your circumstances and everyone is different.
If you feel in any danger, I would suggest that you seek support from a charity/organisation that helps women leave abusive relationships.
Please know that you do not have to put up with this kind of behaviour – there are men out there who will not treat you in this way (I too was once in an emotionally abusive relationship and can 100% tell you that a healthy relationship is one where you feel loved, accepted and safe).
I wish you all the best and please make sure that you reach out for further support (either from me or others) should you need it,
Judi
xoxo
Hi Judi,
Thank you for writing this. My boyfriend has always been lovely to me but a few days ago he told me that I could look stunning if I really wanted to. It has been absolutely devastating for me because now I am questioning if we can continue to be together. I have struggled to accept my body, even though I’m not overweight and even receive frequent compliments from friends and strangers about looking beautiful and slim. And then to not be accepted by the one person I need total acceptance from has been beyond heartbreaking. Until this point we have had the most wonderful relationship. How do you move on from something like this?
Thanks,
Lucy
Hi Lucy
Thanks for coming here to share your experience. It sounds like his comment might have been an isolated one. Has he ever said anything about your appearance before? Have you spoken to him about how the comment affected you?
I’d start with having a conversation with him first. One comment doesn’t need to be the end of a relationship that has been a good one, but you’ll certainly need to tell him how the comment made you feel and set boundaries around what sort of comments you find acceptable going forwards.
I hope that you can sort this out.
All the best,
Judi
xoxo
I don’t understand it. My bf came to me. I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship. He confessed he had a crush on me thirteen years ago in University. I had others ask me out but I was ok being alone, until we reconnected , we just clicked. I was a full figured person back then as I am now. But shortly before we reconnected, I had started my weight loss journey. Until recently he never criticized my body, he has always been supportive. Just now he told me I had bad posture, no butt, and no calves and what I should do to improve those areas. He was a former weight lifter who weighs forty-four pounds more than I do and always complains that he needs to lose weight. I don’t care. I like how he looks. I don’t care that he complains that he’s balding. I think he’s funny. But as he was criticizing my body, silent tears rolled down my face. I think he sensed something was a miss and asked me if I was ok and I lied and said I was ok so he said ok and goodnight. My heart is broken.
Dear M
I’m so sorry to hear that your heart is breaking. It’s so difficult when the ones we love critique our bodies, isn’t it? I can’t help thinking your boyfriend is struggling with his own insecurities and projecting them onto you. Would you be able to talk to him about how his comments make you feel? He may have no idea of the impact they have on you. Wishing you all the best, Judi.